In the backdrop of a fast-paced world, shifting paradigms, and ayahuasca-fueled enlightenment, there stands a fading silhouette—a beacon of hope for the nostalgists—the real man.

Alright, picture this: Not that cartoonish dude, chugging a beer with a belly that could double as a small trampoline, harking back to the “golden era” when men were men and… well, that’s mostly it. No, I’m talking about the guy who, with swiftness reminiscent of a gazelle (albeit a slightly clumsy one), leaps forth to pull out a chair — and, oh, ends up pulling the whole table along with it. Or the fellow who offers to help a woman carry her exceedingly hefty bag, only to realize it’s filled with bricks, or perhaps the entire ‘Twilight’ book series.

Alright, picture this: That guy. Maybe he’s the Tinder date who tried to impress you with his wine knowledge but ended up pouring red all over his pants. Or the guy who, attempting a romantic serenade under a girl’s window, discovers he’s crooning to her grandmother instead.  Ah, the modern knight in slightly tarnished armor. There are still a few of us out there ladies!

The unsung heroes of our day-to-day. We might not always get it right, and might sometimes resemble a fish out of water (or a cat up a tree), but our heart’s in the right place. Us men, though appearing to be more ‘Jurassic’ than ‘Gen Z’, still roam among the living, even if we feel like we’ve stumbled into an episode of ‘Black Mirror’ every time we interact with the modern world.

In today’s meltdown of rapidly shifting cultural norms and societal expectations, there’s a gnawing problem: men, it seems, are teetering on the edge of an identity crisis, possibly extinction. Afraid to embrace their inherent masculine traits, lest they offend or come across as outdated, many find themselves donning a mask of what they think the world wants them to be. But in this well-intentioned shuffle towards a more ‘progressive’ image, the quintessential essence of manhood risks being diluted. The unwavering strength, the protector instinct, the raw authenticity — these qualities are not relics of a bygone era but the very foundations of what it means to be a man. It’s crucial, now more than ever, to rediscover and reclaim this identity without succumbing to society’s ever-evolving game of ‘shoulds’ and ‘shouldn’ts’.

Caught in the dizzying pronoun jungle and the treacherous terrain of wokeism, us men emerge, shields in hand—not because you women can’t fend for yourselves. No, we just have a burning desire to be… helpful. Maybe it’s just instinct, or perhaps they had a good strong women raise them (Love you Mom!).

We certainly are not trembling in the face of powerful women, even if we sometimes can’t figure out if ‘she’ is now ‘they’ or ‘ze’. In fact, they raise a toast (bourbon straight up!) to the mighty ladies.

In a world that’s rapidly updating its software and constantly presenting terms and conditions, there’s something to be said for sticking to the classics. Sure, it’s tempting to chuckle at these gestures or swipe left on tradition, especially when half the planet is practically vibrating at a higher consciousness. But amidst the haze of enlightenment, there’s an undeniable charm in a dude just trying to be decent. Not because he’s making a statement against ‘feminazism’, but simply because he misses the good ol’ user manual of life, where things were, dare we say, simpler, and a guy could pick up the bill or open a door without ridicule.

It’s okay today to be a straight, chivalrous male; there, we got that out of the way!

For all the straight men out there feeling adrift in this sea of confusion, take solace. Your chivalry, your genuine gestures of kindness and respect, aren’t going unnoticed by some. And for the women who are losing faith that there are still some good guys out there who can turn a wrench, unclog the toilet, or change a light bulb, hold out hope! Not all heroes wear capes; some just hold open doors and know how to use tools.

So, as we tumble, laugh, face-palm, and occasionally misstep our way through the ever-evolving lexicon of modern times, let’s remember one thing: whether you’re a straight-shooting Joe, a Joe who prefers other Joes, or a Joe who’s not even sure they want to be called Joe anymore, we’re all passengers on the same wacky rollercoaster called life.

Buckle up, keep your hands (and pronouns) inside the ride at all times, and let’s enjoy the trip together. Because, in the end, whether we’re screaming in terror or delight, it’s a lot more fun when we’re laughing side by side.